All Right Now Read online

  “Ash, will you stop and talk to me? Do you even know where you’re going?”

  He’d almost forgotten Spook was there striding alongside him.

  “I assume there’s a room for me in here.” They’d reached the southern-facing side of the house with its long covered veranda, but didn’t go inside.

  “Of course there’s a room. Ginny took your stuff to unpack.”

  “Where?”

  “The door to the left of the kitchen. You can either go straight through the lounge, or around to the side and in through the boot room. But just hold a sec and listen. Graham spent some time looking up consultants before they discharged you. He dropped it because we thought you were better, but maybe we should take a trip to see one of them.”

  “Why?”

  “Because maybe they can improve the situation. I know you’re pissed off and in pain, but don’t you want to find out if there’s a way to right things?”

  “Maybe,” he grumbled.

  “You don’t sound too sure.”

  Well that was probably because his blood was boiling and after being prodded and poked for most of the last month he wasn’t keen to subject himself to more invasive probing. The fact was, he wanted to rest and to be left alone to fucking wallow. Christ, after all he’d been through, didn’t he qualify for a pity party? Even just a little one?

  “I just want to help.”

  “Then stop protecting me from the truth.”

  The furrows in Spook’s brows deepened. “Sorry, what?”

  “If there’s a problem with me, then spit it out instead of pretending I’m some lame dick who needs to be humoured.”

  Spook hadn’t been the primary culprit of that offence, but he hadn’t exactly been forthcoming with the truth either.

  “You want the truth?”

  Ash nodded.

  “Fine, here it is. We’re all here for you, Ash. All of us. No one has it in for you. None of us are about to stab you in the back. You’re an essential member of the band, and despite what I know is going through your head, we’ve no plans to replace you—”

  “I wasn’t born yesterday.”

  “—but, and here’s the rest of the truth you’re so insistent on hearing, the band’s still shaky. Part of isolating ourselves here is to work on correcting that, but who knows if Elspeth will even show.”

  “So it’s not so much being dropped as the band splitting I should be concerned about?”

  “That’s something we should all be concerned about. The situation’s way better than it was six months ago, but we’ve all got less tolerance for shit these days. Leastways, I have, and Xane’s a loose cannon. Seriously, we’re about one more disaster away from implosion.”

  “So what is it I’m supposed to do? Keep a low profile so that people don’t notice I’m only capable of doing a Bez and playing maracas?”

  “Don’t cause unnecessary discord. And see the consultant. The best choice of the bunch is located in Stockholm. I can drive you there if she agrees to see you.”

  “Right,” he agreed miserably.

  Spook gave him another of those shoulder squeezes he was beginning to hate. “Good man.”

  Ash winced. Spook might as well have patted him on the head and called him a good boy, and he hadn’t even specifically been agreeing to go. “Just as long as you realise she’ll probably suggest the same combination of dietary advice, pointless exercises, and pill popping that the team at the hospital already have me on.”

  “She might surprise you.”

  “Surprises aren’t what any of us need, not after months of feuding and drama.” He was already in danger of being the wafer thin mint that caused Black Halo’s total destruction, and Spook staring at him as if he’d grown an extra head kind of confirmed he thought so too.

  “What?” he enquired. “If there’s something else, just fucking tell me.” His language had got way worse over the last month, but he’d not had to curb his tongue around his mother for yonks, and continual frustration led to impatience, led to him not giving too many fucks. “If you’re going to confess to breaking your code of conduct in order to bang my girlfriend, then save it.”

  Spook rolled his eyes heavenward. “Maybe you should lie down and get some rest.”

  “I’m not tired.”

  “Is that so?” Spook remained poised with his arms crossed, and an ‘I always know best’ look on his face.

  Maybe the bastard even had a point, as it took Ash at least thirty seconds to realise it wasn’t only his fingers that were playing up again. He was slurring his words too, or else making them run altogether in a jumble. Probably the latter.

  Well fuck! Fine, he’d go stew in a dark and private place, where his lack of control over his own tongue wouldn’t offend anybody. Being released from hospital wasn’t turning into quite the cause for celebration he’d anticipated.

  “Ash.”

  “I get it.” He buttoned his lips up tight and swung away from Spook to stomp around to the side door. Looks like he was right back where he’d been when he’d first woken post nosedive. It had taken him several days then to realise that people couldn’t always understand what he was saying. At first he’d assumed the language barrier was the issue, but that didn’t make sense when it came to talking to Ginny.

  The reality was that when he got tired or stressed his words had a habit of splicing themselves together, or else ending up as some cabbaged string of nonsense.

  Ash marched straight through the boot room and into the room he and Ginny were sharing. He meant to walk straight into her arms as well, but she wasn’t there, which left him reeling in the middle of the strange room, heart pounding nineteen to the dozen and tears welling in his peepers.

  He was a fucked up mess, that’s what he was, and it wasn’t his girlfriend he needed so much as his mam, or at least somebody to convince him that everything would be all right.

  Ash limped over to the bed, and sat with his head in his hands, wondering if the urge to vomit over his own shoes would ever pass. “Where the hell are you, Ginny?” Couldn’t she tell he needed her?

  -2-

  Ginny hadn’t seen Ash since they’d arrived at Spook’s place. The moment they’d stepped out of the helicopter, Ash had dumped their luggage and made a beeline towards Xane. He was doing too much—he was still as weak as a day old kitten—but there was no telling him. She’d tried back at the hospital, and caught the sharp end of his tongue as a result. There’d been a pack of fans waiting for him when he’d been released, and he’d insisted on stopping to say hello to every blinkin’ one of them. No one could fault his generosity, and those ladies and gents were now lifelong Black Halo fans, but the big dope needed to accept there were limitations to what it was reasonable for one human to do. The harm Iain Willows had done him remained significant, and whether Ash accepted it or not, he was still some way off from being healed.

  The room Spook had assigned them was half guest room and half snuggly retreat. It was full of books on bleached wooden shelves, and had a large window on the left that overlooked the woodland. The sleeping arrangements weren’t quite to her tastes: one metal framed daybed pushed against the wall beneath the shelves and the other a sort of cushioned room divider. Call her a traditionalist, but she’d been hoping for a standard double that she and Ash could cuddle up together in. If she’d been in any doubt about what Ash meant to her, then the last three weeks had absolutely clarified that.

  He was her world. Her soulmate, if such a thing existed.

  It existed.

  Their fates were entwined.

  That had meant some soul searching on her part, and the prospect of facing up to a heap of shit she thought she’d left behind. In actual fact, all she’d done was shovel it onto a compost heap to rot away of its own accord. Sadly, it wasn’t the sort of shit that was biodegradable. Sooner or later, she was going to have to tell Ash about it, but not yet. He had enough on his plate. His focus had to be on healing. They could hash out the ot
her stuff in the future.

  Ginny eyed the separate beds again. Yeah, so maybe they weren’t such a bad idea. They could keep things on the burn low until they’d had a chance to properly talk, and he was back to normal. It’d be a shame not to be able to snuggle up to him at night, but maybe it would paint her in a better light when all the stuff did come out.

  Or maybe it wouldn’t make any difference at all.

  For the umpteenth time since arriving, Ginny checked her phone. One whole bar—she’d have to figure out some other location from which she could make private calls. The signal in the en suite proved non-existent. What it did have was a shelf. Ginny unpacked Ash’s medication onto it, making sure she turned all the bottles outwards so that he could see the correct doses. He really needed one of those pill boxes so he didn’t end up forgetting to take something.

  Once the medication was organised, Ginny unpacked the rest of their bags, and then left the guest room in order to poke her nose around the house. She’d always imagined rock stars living in huge mansions overlooking tropical sea views. Spook’s place perched on a tiny island overlooking a grey lake, and there weren’t any palm trees, only huge conifers. She bumped into Dani on the veranda that overlooked the lawn.

  “Ginny, I didn’t realise you’d arrived.” Her flatmate squealed and squeezed her almost in two with a hug. “When did you get here? Is Ash with you?”

  “Not so long ago. Band management arranged a chopper. I’m surprised you didn’t hear it.”

  “So where is he? Is he well?”

  “Doing okay. He’s gone off with Xane somewhere.”

  “Oh!” She patted the top of Ginny’s hand, which she was still holding onto. “He’s with Xane. Well that’s good news that he’s up to hanging out. Shall we grab some drinks and catch up?”

  Dani bustled them inside towards the kitchen. “Hot chocolate okay?”

  “I’d prefer a Long Island Iced Tea.”

  Her friend raised her hands. “I don’t know how to make that, or if Spook even has the ingredients.”

  “I guess chocolate will do.”

  They settled on one of the big squishy white sofas in the central lounge.

  “Things okay between you, Xane and Luthor?”

  “’Course,” her friend mumbled, gaze fastened upon her drink. “We’ve not actually seen much of Luthor. He’s been off drumming for Denna Rädsla.”

  Hm, it sounded like things remained uneasy. How Dani, the biggest prude on the planet, had come to be dating a recovering sex addict with decidedly fluid gender preferences, Ginny would never figure out. One thing she did know was that Xane was never going to be satisfied with a typical heterosexual relationship, which meant her friend was going to have to adapt or weather a whole lot of heartache.

  “You and Ash?”

  “Hunky dory. I don’t suppose you know where they’ve gone.”

  “The recording studio,” Dani replied brightly. “Xane took his lyrics book with him. He’s super keen to get started on the new album. He’s been playing me some of the riffs. They’re amazing. This album is going to be their best yet. The songs are just… Ginny, they’re awesome!” Her entire being seemed to light up with excitement.

  Ginny folded her arms, not the least bit infected by her glee. “I thought the purpose of coming here was to relax and recuperate, not for them to work.” Ash needed rest if he was ever going to be well enough to tour again, and while she didn’t pretend to know a whole lot about recording music, she knew enough to realise it involved actual work.

  “Gin, they were never going to sit around and do nothing for six months.”

  “Maybe not six months, but Ash was only discharged a few hours ago.”

  “They’re probably just taking a look around for when they are ready to record, yeah?”

  “Maybe.” That had better be the case. But then why did Xane need his lyrics book? Dammit, if there was any suggestion they were planning on diving straight into recording, then she’d—she’d what? Order Ash to leave? The band was his world. He’d never up sticks on them. Buggering hell, couldn’t they at least give him a week or two off?

  “They’re just going to be working on a demo version here, right?” She was determined to find the bright side of all this. Bands at this level didn’t do it all in their garden sheds. They employed musical gurus, producers, and technicians, and they checked into places like Metropolis, Rockfield, or RAK, or even friggin’ Abbey Road.

  Dani shrugged. “It’s not the impression Xane gave. Look,” she patted Ginny’s knee. “I’m sure it’ll be all right. Spook will look out for Ash, even if the others don’t.”

  Spook. Yeah, Spook would do that.

  Her friend pulled up her knees before her. She was wearing a pretty summer dress and a ridiculously oversized pair of woollen socks. Evidently there was more to the choice of beverage for this meeting than Ginny had initially supposed. Dani only put on those socks when she was worrying about something, and that something was unlikely to be Ash.

  “How are things really between you, Xane and Luthor?”

  “I just said. We’re fine.”

  She’d have been more convincing if her words hadn’t come out as a squeak, and she hadn’t then buried her nose in her mug again to avoid eye contact.

  “Getting used to watching them shag yet?”

  It was cruel to tease, but sometimes she couldn’t help it.

  “Ginny…” Dani’s head came right back up and she glared at her, clearly outraged. “You know, I’m not actually interested in watching them make out. Only a pervert… I mean, why would I be?”

  “Why wouldn’t you be? Two hot blooded men, sounds sexy as hell.”

  Dani’s gulp was audible.

  “You’re a strange woman, Saint. I swear if it wasn’t that I know you’re keeping a sex god happy, I’d have to conclude that the Bitches of St. Agatha scourged you of your libido.”

  “But am I?” her friend sighed doubtfully. She took another slurp of hot chocolate. “I mean, I try to.”

  “Come off it, babe. Why are you even doubting? We’ve all heard your orgasmic screams, and the Luthor thing isn’t anything to do with him being unhappy with you.”

  Ginny wasn’t sure Dani heard the last part. Her friend had turned magenta, and was mouthing, “Everyone’s heard,” like a mantra. “I think I’m going to die. I need the floor to swallow me up.” She paled dramatically, enough to stop the laughter bubbling in Ginny’s throat.

  “Quit with the theatrics. At least you’re getting some. My lady bits are in danger of shrivelling up. There hasn’t been a lot of opportunity at the hospital.” Make that zero opportunities. The lack of privacy and Ash’s health had rather put a damper on their sex life.

  “But that’ll change now he’s out.” Dani, having obviously realised what she’d just said, clamped her hands over her mouth.

  “I can but live in hope.” Ginny’s words trailed off as a black-wearing blur sped past the side of the house. “Ash?” She stood with the intention of following him, only for Spook to come in from the garden and get in her way.

  “Stay in,” he said.

  “What happened? Something happened, didn’t it? I think you’d better tell me.”

  Spook raised his right hand between them, with his fingers twisted into an arthritic claw.

  “You had him play. What the fuck were you thinking? It’s way too soon for that.”

  “Ash didn’t seem to think so. Nobody forced him to pick up an instrument.”

  “I need to go to him.”

  “Ginny, it might be better if you gave him a moment.” He clasped hold of her arm, preventing her from making a pursuit.

  Would it? She worried her thumbnail between her teeth.

  “In the interests of openness, it wasn’t just his hand he had problems with.”

  What else? Oh, no, not his speech again. That issue had resolved itself after a couple of sessions with a speech therapist. He must have been incredibly upset for that to r
e-emerge. “I need to go to him.”

  Spook refused to let her go. “Let him calm down on his own a moment. Then go and see if he needs you.”

  He needed her. When he was wild and worked up like this, the best thing to do was offer him reassurances and love. It wasn’t necessary to say that everything would work out. She didn’t like to make promises she couldn’t keep. Just letting him know there was someone around who loved him was enough. For some unfathomable reason, Ash never really believed those around him cared for him.

  “There’s no point in rushing in and getting into a row for no reason,” Dani weighed in. “Come and sit back down with me for a bit longer.”

  They didn’t seem to be giving her much choice. Fine, she’d sit on her hands for a while and watch the clock.

  Spook didn’t linger for long before he announced he was turning in and made his way upstairs. Only a handful of minutes after that, Xane arrived seeking company. Very specific company.

  “Xane. Oh, my, God!” Dani squealed, her eyes widening to the size of saucers, when she saw him. “You can’t come in here like that. It’s obscene.”

  Coming was clearly foremost in his thoughts. Sure, he was fully dressed in ubiquitous black, but his T-shirt was clingy and the wood he was sporting. Sweet baby Jesus! That thing was huge. Most disturbingly, her lady bits wept at the sight of it. Okay, that confirmed it. It had been way too long since she’d had sex.